Loneliness is an epidemic, and digital ministers can do something about it.

When we get online, we often do so with an expectation for community: we want to connect with other people. That expectation (or hope) is especially acute these days, as we’re navigating our way through pandemic-inspired isolation. However, our individual isolation was on the rise well before the first mentions of COVID and the coronavirus. Loneliness is pandemic all its own. And those of us in digital ministry have an ability to provide mitigations against the spread of the loneliness pandemic. Digital ministers have a unique platform for mitigating the loneliness epidemic.

In 1985, American adults reported having about 3 confidants. Less than 20 years later, that number had dropped to 2 confidants. Today it’s lower. Similarly, in 1985 36% of American adults said they had no close friends outside of their family. 20 years later that number jumped to 53%. What might it be today?

In Bad Religion, Ross Douthat points out that there’s a trend now to outsource on confidant-type relationships. Where we once leaned on friends for emotional support and advice, we are now more likely to pay a counselor or therapist to fulfill the same function. We still express a need for confidants and advisors, but we’re less able to find them.

As we think about the future role of ministers, there is a real need evident in these thoughts and statistics: ministers have calling to step into the roles of trusted advisors and confidants. There are at least two ways we can begin fostering trust in those who might be looking to reach out and begin the process of relationship building.

First, we need to reveal a few things about ourselves.

Our first step in inviting confidential relationship is to share some authentic aspects of our own lives. Many of us (myself definitely included) post things about ourselves based upon activity. So when we DO or PARTICIPATE in something exciting, we feel that warrants a social media post. This might look like the picture we post of our family’s trip to the local Christmas lights display or the cool find we scored at last month’s flea market.

These are fine posts as they reveal the kinds of activities we enjoy. But in order to inspire some trust in others, we’ll need to consider posting about our feelings as well as our activities. Posting about the things that make us happy or sadden will go a long way in revealing who we are and communicate that we are individuals who are comfortable with feelings.

Rev. Adam Baker of The Gathering Church is someone I see doing this well. Rev. Adam consistently makes it a point to share the things he is grateful for, the things bringing him joy, the moments which seem to suck the life out of him. The result is that, though I’ve sat in synchronous conversation with Adam on a handful of occasions, I feel as though I know Adam well. He’s someone I can approach.

Second, we must invite people to confide in us.

No one is going to confide in us until we invite them. I’m still working out how we can invite confidential conversations through digital space. But a couple ideas include holding online “office hours” where we are accessible for chat. Or hosting virtual prayer sessions, and then using those as opportunities to follow up on conversations begun in that space.

My friend Rev. Anne Bosarge of The Online Chapel does this well. Every few weeks I get a message from Rev. Bosarge letting me know that she’s checking in and asking how she can pray for me. It’s a comforting message to receive and I’m sure she garners many responses.

Perhaps the most important thing we can do is to simply be aware of the need. People are isolated–increasingly so. And we, as ministers in digital space, have a unique position to meet this need. I look forward to seeing how ministers increasingly move into this space and would love to hear of ways your inviting people into confidential relationship through digital space.

Loneliness is on the rise and few adults feel they have someone in whom they can confide. Digital ministers can help mitigate the loneliness epidemic.